Party of One

My weekend has been great so far...more on that later.

However, something is bothering me. Remember this post?

My fear. My excitement. My need to hold Wade's hand to ease these feelings.

Welp...I will be standing alone on May 6th. Of course, I feel sorry for myself because of my own fears and neediness but last night was the first time Wade really let me know HE was upset.


Gosh, how insensitive of me.

We were on our nightly dog walk and in my excitement I said to him "I can't believe I ran over 30 miles this week and I ran ZERO just 3 weeks before, and I feel soooooo great".

He didn't say anything...just kept walking.

I kinda poked at him and this is what he said to me:

"Have you considered that I am upset that I can't run this with you? That I was excited to run a full marathon with you and now I can't even run at all?".

(he might have also gone girly on me and possibly mentioned his waistline feeling bigger & rounder)

I stopped dead in my tracks.

I hadn't. You see, Wade doesn't get too excited about vacations, running or races like I do. I just assumed he didn't really care and does these things to appease me. But he does. My heart broke a little bit at that moment. Because he was genuinely sad.

I wish I could heal his Achilles and make it go away. But I can't.

Knowing he will be there, out in the crowds cheering me on helps, but I can't help but feel disappointed both for him and for me, for my own selfish reasons.

I guess there's always another race, right?